Dating 101
by waybackwhen
Summary: This is just some random idea that popped into my head. When Sasori and Deidara decide to go on their first date, what happens when one of them gets nervous? It's Itachi's younger sister, Asami, to the rescue. But can she turn this S-Rank criminal into the perfect boyfriend in time?


The raven haired girl jumped up and down, hardly able to control her excitement. "Dei, this is so great!" She cheered

The feared Akatsuki team of Itachi and Kisame entered the room upon hearing the commotion.

The blonde let out a heavy sigh. "Itachi, would you please do something about your sister?"

"Asami, Don't be a nuisance." The older Uchiha commanded.

His command is quickly met by a glare from the teen, and a hateful, "You're not the boss of me," before her attention was back on the bomber, and the excited smile back in place.

"Right," Deidara muttered in defeat, "I forgot she doesn't listen to you."

"What's with all the cheering anyway?" Kisame demanded, slight curiosity to his tone.

Deidara didn't respond to the question, knowing that the younger Uchiha would happily fill them in. She managed to contain it for a moment, but she finally blurted out, "Deidara and Sasori are going on a date!"

The blonde turned his face away in embarrassment as he waited for the teasing that was likely to follow. Nothing but shock remained when the only comment that came was Kisame stating bluntly, "It's about time."

Asami grew very serious, one hand on her hip as she tapped her chin deep in thought. "Dei, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not going to wear that to the movie, are you?"

Slight offense flashed across the older teen's blue eyes. "Why the hell wouldn't I?" He demanded childishly.

She raised an eyebrow at the defensive bomber, stating bluntly, "Something about sauntering around dressed like an S- rank criminal doesn't seem like a smart idea to me." She reached out her hand to him. "I'll run to town if you want so I can get you some actual clothes." She offered kindly.

"How would that be any different from me doing it myself?" The blonde asked, a slightly impatient tone to his voice.

"Because only a handful of people even know I'm alive, let alone hanging with Akatsuki. I won't attract any attention." She reasoned logically, her hand still insistently waiting for compensation for the money spent on clothing. Muttering under his breath, Deidara placed some money in her hand begrudgingly.

"Don't get yourself into any trouble." Itachi demanded quietly.

"Yeah, yeah, stop trying to act like an older brother, Itachi. It's not a good look for you." The younger Uchiha countered bitterly before racing off down the halls. "Leave it to me, Dei! I got your back!" She called loyally over her shoulder.

"Sasori!" The raven sang as she skidded to a halt outside his door. He glanced up in annoyance from the puppet he was working on, instantly taking in her mischievous grin.

"The brat told you." He stated without a hint of uncertainty. He rose from the bench just in time for the excited child to leap into his arms.

"Saso-Chan, this is so great!" Se cried, hugging him close.

"What did I tell you about calling me that?!" He demanded impatiently, attempting to get her to let go of him. In spite of his tone, a slight smirk was on his lips as well.

Her laughter dying down, the puppet master finally managed to un-cling the raven from him. "I was going to make a run into town to get Dei some real clothes. Want me to do the same for you?"

He tilted his head to the side, a rare hint of confusion flashing across his face. "Is that really necessary?"

Having a bit more respect for Sasori than she did Deidara, the young Uchiha explained to him a little less snarky than she had to the bomber. "You can't really go into town in your Akatsuki cloaks. It would attract too much attention."

He cringed slightly at the though, quickly producing some money for clothes without any further arguments. As she turned to leave, the redhead quickly grabbed her arm, pulling her back. His grip was unnecessarily tight on her arm. "Ow, Sasori, I'm not a puppet; you can't pull my arm like that." She whined softly, pulling her arm free. Silently, the young teen took in the puppet master's face, finding something there she never expected. "You're... nervous... aren't you?" She questioned carefully.

"It's not like I've actually been on one of these before." He countered defensively, averting his warm brown eyes from her dark ones.

Asami continued to search his face thoughtfully. "That makes sense, considering you left your village when you were only seventeen. And I suppose you were too busy with your puppets before hand to even think about some thing like that." There was a long pause in which neither of them said a thing, The Uchiha was the first to break it by suggesting, "Maybe you should come to town with me." When he met here eyes again with a hint of confusion, she went on. "Without the cloak, since no one knows your true form, you and I will look like just normal teenagers."

"I don't know..." He said wearily, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"It'll be fun." She assured him without her usual air of childish excitement. Linking her arm with his, she dragged him along with her. "I can teach you everything you could possibly need to know." A rare sincerity was in her tone that instantly prompted the puppet master to trust the younger girl. He allowed himself to be dragged out the door without any more fighting.

They had made the entire walk to town in a comfortable silence before the raven finally decided to give her first lesson. "Okay, let's start from the very basics." She declared, instantly claiming the redhead's full attention. "When two people as close and you and Deidara date, it's just like your normal hanging out, but with couply stuff."

"Couply stuff?" He echoed in uncertainty.

"Like, holding hands and kissing and such." She clarified, earning another cringe from the older man. Rolling her eyes lightly, she decided to move on. "Just keep the conversation light and calm. Just talk to him as if you two were just hanging out on a mission or something."

"The only person who could possibly bring the words 'hang out' and 'mission' together is you, Asami." He commented slightly bitterly.

"You're just mad I know how to have fun." She countered without missing a beat. "Now stop interrupting me." Once she had paused a moment to make sure he was finished cutting her off, she went on. "As the older in this relationship, you'll be expected to make the first move. Be the man in the pairing. The dominant one-"

"I get the point." He cut in.

She rolled her eyes yet again, choosing to ignore his remark. "When the two of you are walking around talking, just reach over and take his hand in yours, like this." She instructed, gently reaching over and taking the older man's hand in hers. At first, he flinched at the unexpected contact, but eventually the puppet master relaxed, allowing her to seize his hand. "He'll probably react just about the same way, but don't be shy about it or anything." She said in quiet amusement, her eyes falling to their joined hands. Suddenly, Asami's eyes snapped back up to the store fronts, declaring, "This is the place!" Dragging the older man in by their joined hands.

Although it was a men's clothing store, Sasori seemed like he was feeling totally out of place. Immediately sensing this, Asami took the lead on that portion of the day, pushing some clothes at the man and demanding that he try them on. After much trial and error, the two finally managed to agree on an outfit, which consisted of a pair of nice black pants, a white button down shirts, and a classy black fedora.

"You look totally hot." She stated with blunt honesty. "I'd date you myself if you weren't already taken." She added with a soft, teasing chuckle.

"I like it." He said shyly, a very faint blush dusting his cheeks at the girl's honest words.

She nodded proudly, rising to her feet again. "I'll go work on Dei's outfit while you go change." She instructed in her typical, leader-like way. He loyally obeyed.

"Wait, wait!" she grabbed his wrist as he was about to turn away, deciding to go a different direction. She dragged him over to the couch in the changing rooms, sitting him down next to her. "Next lesson is what to do during the actual movie." He let out a sigh at he obnoxious persistence. "If he's sitting with his hand rested like this," she places her hand on the imaginary arm rest with her palm facing up in a casual manor, "it mean he wants you to take his hand." She silently waited, but he wasn't seeming to get the idea. "So take it." She prompted patiently. Seeming to snap out of some trance, he hesitantly took the smaller hand in his, awaiting further instruction.

"Or, if you so desire, you could put your arm around his shoulder." She took his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders in demonstration. "That way he could settle against you like so." She finished, leaning slightly against the older man's shoulder. As the lessons progressed, Sasori seemed to be getting a little more comfortable with the whole idea, and, thankfully, a little less rigid and awkward. "Got that, Saso-Chan?" The young Uchiha asked innocently.

"Stop calling me that." He snapped, swiftly rising from the couch and causing the raven to fall against the cushions. Then he vanished back into the dressing room without any other comment on the subject.

Deciding to abandon the lessons for a while, Asami began wandering the store in search of an outfit for the other half of the Akatsuki dream couple. "Let's see... His eyes are blue..." She mumbled quietly to herself. "And his hair is long..."

"You here shopping for your boyfriend or something?" A random voice questioned, bringing the young girl's attention to the tall boy with chocolate hair and emerald who had moved silently by her side.

"No, he's just a friend." The raven responded in a friendly, yet still dismissive tone. "A friend with no sense of fashion." She added with a joking laugh.

Her hand reached out to resume her searching when the persistent boy seized her wrist. "No boyfriend? How would you like to come spend the day with a real man, then?"

"You've got three seconds to let me go." She growled in a deadly tone, her dark eyes narrowing dangerously as the cocky green gems staring back at her.

"And who's going to make me?" He challenged smugly. "Come on, sweetheart, just one movie?"

"No, just leave me alone!" He tried to jerk her wrist free, but her actions ceased when a third hand joined the mix. A hand belonging to a familiar redhead that trembled in rage, clamped around the other boys wrist. "Sasori-" She started quietly.

"Let her go before I break your wrist." He snarled bluntly, his eyes dark and serious.

"Woah, man, I'm not looking for a fight-" He tried to back down, his grip on her wrist releasing, though Sasori's never wavered.

"You should have thought about that before you decided to lay a hand on my best friend's sister."

"Let him go, Sasori." The raven prompted soothingly, her eyes softening at the kind display. "He didn't mean any harm, he was only messing around."

"You're not injured, are you?" The puppet master demanded, his trembling hand slightly loosening its grip.

"I'm fine, Saso-Chan." She assured him with a slight smirk.

He let out a sigh through clenched teeth, letting go of the other boy's wrist at last. Without another word, the emerald-eyed boy scampered off. "I told you not to call me that." Sasori said with a soft chuckle, much to the younger's relief.

"You've got the overly-protective-boyfriend thing down to a science." She stated in amusement. "I guess we can skip that lesson."

"Gee, thanks." He mumbled sarcastically. "Have you got something for the brat yet?"

"I think so..." the Uchiha mused quietly, holding up the outfit she had selected. It was a pair of dark jeans, a royal blue tee-shirt, and a plain black vest. She watched the older's face as he examined her choice of clothing. "I was thinking black converse or something."

"It looks nice." He decided after a long moment of hesitation. "Like something the brat would actually wear."

A slightly proud smile crossed her lips at the praise. "That's what I was going for. Now let's check out. We don't have a lot of time to get back before the movies." She declared, taking the clothes from his hand and bringing both outfits to the counter to check out.

"Now, I think there's only one more thing I need to teach you." Asami pipped up quietly, breaking the familiar silence as they neared the edge of the village. She took the bags from the puppet master's hands, placing them gently on the ground as she came to a stop.

His eye grew slightly wide as he thought he knew what was about to happen. "I'm not doing this." He said quietly.

The raven tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking-" Realization flashed across her features. "No! Oh, God, no that's not what I was trying to say at all." She shook her head in almost offensive disgust at the idea. "I was just going to tell you how you could tell if he wanted to kiss you. You can practice on your own time." They shared a bitter laugh at the awkward thought.

"Okay, okay, I'm all ears. Teach me your secrets, Lady Uchiha." He teased with a short laugh.

For about the nth time that day, she rolled her eyes at the older man, but chose to pick her battles. "Moving on with the final lesson, then you should have everything you need. A few little signs you should pay attention for are things like lingering eye contact with a slightly longing look in his eyes, him wrapping his arms around your shoulders with that same look, and make sure to take notice if his eyes flicker down to your lips for even a slip second."

The redhead took in her words intently, finally accepting the forced lessons and the undeniable sense of relief it brought him to have some idea what he was doing. "Thanks, kid." Sasori said with a soft smile on his lips. "For an Uchiha, you're not all that bad." He teased slighly.

She chuckled softly at that, her dark eyes soft and sincere. "You're not so bad yourself, Saso-Chan." He narrowed his eyes at that, but decided to let it slide for once. "One last word of advice for you?" His eyes softened as he listened closely. "If all else fails, just be yourself. He already likes you. There's no need to try so hard."

With those final words, she retrieved the bags and started walking once more. Lost in thought for a moment, Sasori hesitated for a moment before following after the young Uchiha. He patted her head softly before taking the bags from her hands, following her back in a comfortable silence, more than prepared for the movies.

"One last quick thing, Saso-Chan." Asami poked her head into the puppet master's room with something behind her back.

"I don't have time to snap at you for that." He mumbled, drifting about the room in search of something. "What do you want?"

"Here, give him this." The raven suggested, holding out a simple red rose. "He told me one time he really likes these flowers."

The older man tentatively took the delicate flower from the young girl's hands. "I'll be sure to do that." He said with a dismissive nod. Taking the hint, Asami took her leave, going back to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

At some point during that night, a gentle hand shook the young Uchiha's shoulder, jarring her from her slumber. She blinked a few times, trying to bring the honey brown eyes looking down at her into focus. "S- Sasori? You're back." She observed tiredly. "Did everything go well?"

A slight smirk was on his lips. "Everything went very well, thanks to you." He stated honestly. "As my way of thanking you, I made you something."

Asami rubbed her eyes, sitting up in her bed with a small yawn. "You didn't have to. I was happy to help."

Something about the younger Uchiha that separated her from her older brother, unlike Itachi Asami made no secret of how dearly she missed her family. The gift the redhead produced almost broth tears the the tough girl's eyes. Sasori handed the Uchiha a small puppet in the likeness of her beloved little brother, Sasuke.

For a long moment, she stared at the gift in stunned silence, turning it over and examining it with watery eyes. "I really hope that goofball knows how lucky he is to have you." She said quietly, gently wrapping her arms around the older man's neck. "Thank you, Sasori."


End file.
